


The Landscape of Your Sorrow

by KaliTracer



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Harry Hart Lives, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Near Death Experiences, Slight amnesia fic, time jumps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-19 22:04:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3625926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaliTracer/pseuds/KaliTracer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy takes the first mission he can after saving the world because the world needed him too. His home life is settled and he can get away knowing everyone is doing well. </p>
<p>Seven months down the line he finds that the missions are no longer about the world. They're about keeping his fragile hold on life together and he can only do that by taking missions far far away from those who love him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I'm gonna just throw this up and apologize now.

-Present-  
The blood running from Eggsy's nose is really getting annoying. It's hot, streaming down his face, following the curve of his mouth and being blown out in a spray of drops with every harsh pant he manages. Eggsy can taste it in his mouth and on his lips as he breathes. He can see the drops fall from his chin, landing on the carpeted floor in an array of spray patterns.  
  
Part of him hopes it is a bitch to clean up. The other part focuses on reloading his gun, the movement as smooth as ever even though his body begins to feel ragged and slow.  
  
"Galahad, why have you stopped?" Merlin's voice cuts through the daze. Eggsy lifts his gaze from his gun and looks around.  
  
"Just catchin' me breath, bruv," he says, his accent too thick to disguise right now.  
  
"Lancelot is at the extraction point, taking fire. You're late," Merlin says.  
  
Yeah, the blood coming from his nose is annoying as fuck, Eggsy thinks as he wipes it away.  
  
"Eggsy, we can't stay here much longer! What's your ETA?" Roxy demands through the comms.  
  
He stumbles out of his hiding spot. The floor he's on is mostly offices, so it's pretty much a straight shot back to the stairs. Eggsy can't remember what floor he go to before the guards had forced him out of the stairwell. He had sent most on a wild chase down rows of cubicles but now he needed to get back on point.  
  
"Galahad!" Merlin's voice rings in his ears as Eggsy wipes away more blood from his nose and mouth. He feels like he's choking on it now. Had he mentioned how annoying it was?  
  
Almost as bothersome as the gunshot in his side.  
  
"Moving, Merlin, geez," he says, and keeps his gaze safely up and focused. The hallway seems to move and roll under his feet.  
  
"Eggsy! We're taking on too much fire power! We need to go now! Where are you?" Roxy shouts through the comms.  
  
He sways and makes the mistake of looking down at his hand trying to keep his body and blood together.  
  
"Bloody Christ," Merlin swears and Eggsy looks up to avoid him seeing too much more.  
  
"Eggsy," Merlin starts but the younger man stops him.  
  
"Get Roxy out of here. Order her to go Merlin," Eggsy says. His body slumps against the wall and feels relief to have the support. He doesn't know if he'll-  
  
Lancelot must hear something because she comes back on next.  
  
"No! I'm not leaving you here, Galahad. Give me your position. I'll come to you," she demands.  
  
"I'm hit Roxy," Eggsy confesses. "I-I'm not makin' it."  
  
There's gunfire and swearing over the comms, Eggsy almost chides her for her ungentlewomanly behavior. Instead he loses the grip on his gun and it clatters to the floor. He finds he can't feel his feet anymore before he drops to the ground next to it. Everything seems to swim just out of distance for him to hold onto anything.  
  
"Eggsy!" a voice comes in loud and clear through the fog. Eggsy smiles for the first time in months, because it is the only voice that he wants to hear ever again.  
  
"Galahad, just stay with us," Merlin says, and then he barking orders to the others.  
  
"Rox, I can 'ear 'arry," he says, his vision starting to grey out. He feels almost floaty now.  
  
"I think he's coming to get me," Eggsy says. He realizes with a start that he's going to bleed out in a strange office building before the realization drifts away. It doesn't seem so bad since he will get to rest here for a bit.  
  
"Eggsy, _please_ ," Harry says. Eggsy grins and lets his hand drop away from his abdomen.  
  
"I've missed ya, 'arry," Eggsy says and lets darkness claim him.  
  
-7 months prior-  
  
"There's plenty of missions Eggsy, what's the rush?" Merlin asks. He leans back in his chair, enjoying a cup of coffee even though it is long past midnight.  
  
"Me mum is drivin' me bonkers, Merlin. I moved her into the house and now she's askin' all these questions and getting into my life and my future- it's too much bruv. I'm gonna go crazy if I stay there for much more."  
  
Laughing, Merlin nods. "I can imagine."  
  
"That had better not be a quip toward me putting a few things in a drawer at yours," Roxy says, entering the office with a tilt of her hips. Eggsy knew he should have shut the door.  
  
"Of course not, dearest," Merlin says, but the twitch of his lips tells both younger Kingsman that he's lying.  
  
"Dearest? If I call you that, do I get the mission?" Eggsy asks, smiling broadly at Merlin.  
  
"Cheeky," he mutters, before handing over the file.  
  
"Missions? Do I get one?" Roxy asks, a predatory smile of her own.  
  
"You should still be in Medical. Don't think Doctor Saunders didn't send me the report about your dislocated shoulder," Merlin fixes her with a look that tells not only that she won't be getting a mission anytime soon but that she had made her partner worry.  
  
"Should I return to them then?" she asks, predatory smile to faux innocence in a second flat. Eggsy was still working on that move.  
  
"No, you're welcome to keep me company. Eggsy, you're dismissed," he says, and pulls up a chair next to his.  
  
"Thank god," Eggsy says, too much romantic drivel in one room for him.  
  
"Oh hush, you," Roxy says and hip checks him when he walks by. He nearly turns and decks her in the shoulder but remembers 'dislocation' at the last second. She grins at him, and he lets it go.  
  
As he's pulling the door closed, he sees her settle in on Merlin's lap instead of the second chair. Merlin doesn't seemed miffed at all, just touches her gingerly like she should be treasured and kisses her when she leans forward for one.  
  
The door's shut before he can think too hard about being jealous over a kiss he doesn't want from either of them.


	2. Chapter 2

-Present-

"Where is he, Merlin?" Lancelot's voice cuts through the noisy chatter and several voices quiet down.  
  
"He's on the forty-first floor. I'm opening the doors. Once it's safe for your pilot to land I want you to get secure and go for Galahad. Percival is en route," Merlin says.  
  
Lancelot moves around the back of the chopper. She hooks a security rope to the floor harness and then throws the rest of the rope out of the chopper.  
  
"Merlin said to wait to land!" the pilot shouts back.  
  
"You wait then" Roxy says, tossing her headphones aside and grabbing up her semi-automatic rifle. She takes a solid breath before launching herself out of the chopper.  
  
"Oh sh-" the pilot's words cut off as she descends rapidly toward the roof, one hand on the rope and the other keeping her weapon secure.  
  
"Lancelot!" Merlin's voice comes in over the comms as she drops and rolls before standing and taking out a pair of guards who had been shoot at the chopper a second ago.  
  
Roxy ducks behind an air vent, waiting for the return fire from the other ten or so others on the roof.  
  
"I'm assuming since I can hear Harry Hart as well," Roxy says conversationally as she stands; taking out another guard while drawing her pistol in her other hand. She squats and waits for the bullets to come again. They hit the side of the duct with a ting-ting-ting.  
  
"And not currently dying, that he isn't really dead after all."  
  
"Yes, Lancelot. I'm still alive. I've been in recovery for the last eight months," Harry's voice comes through again.  
  
Roxy stands; killing the first three guards in her sights.  
  
"Rox, I swear-" She runs to the far side of the roof, killing another two guards.  
  
"How long have you known Merlin?" she asks, cutting him off.  
  
There's a sigh and she can almost see him rubbing the bridge of the nose where the glasses rest.  
  
"Eight months," he says.  
  
Roxy frowns and tackles the next guard she sees. She shoots him in the face with her pistol before standing and killing the two guards who were coming up behind her. Two bullets strike her suit, but don't do any damage.  
  
"I'm sorry, Roxy," Merlin says, and she breathes hard through her nose. She doesn't speak, knowing there is another guard around somewhere.  
  
"Lancelot, I, too, should apologize. It was I who placed the burden on Merlin's shoulders and requested that he keep his silence until I was well again," Harry says.  
  
The guard rounds the corner of an electrical station, and Roxy kicks his gun away. He puts up a quick fight, before she snaps his neck, cleanly, letting his body slump to the ground.  
  
"We are going to have a long talk when I get back, Merlin," she says, then pushes her glasses up her nose and grabs up a gun. She runs to the door, and sure enough it is open like Merlin promised but she can't think about that.  
  
"Of course, darling," Merlin answers. She growls under her breath and moves in.  
  
Eleven kills later, she's finally at the 41st floor door. She yanks open the door, gun up and assesses the hallway.  
  
"You're closing in on his signal," Merlin says. "Should be east another ten feet."  
  
Turning left, Roxy walked quickly down the hall, she could see someone slumped on the ground. It wasn't until she was closer that she could make out the pin-striping that she ran the rest of the way.  
  
"Eggsy?" she asks as she drops to her knees next to him. Blood is on the floor under her and she can't stop her hand from shaking as she reaches out and presses two fingers to her friend's neck. Roxy can't breath as she focuses on feeling for anything left.  
  
"I've got a pulse. Weak and slow but god it's there. Shallow breathing. He's needs medical now," Roxy says. and slumps forward in relief.  
  
"God, Eggsy," she whispers. "I've got to stop this bleeding." She draw back and puts a hand on the wound. Looking around, Roxy draws up her gun as she hears footsteps. She doesn't have time for this and can't even begin to think of how to carry him back to the chopper when a familiar face turns the corner.  
  
"Hello, doll. Did you miss me?" Percival asks, smiling as she lowers her weapon.  
  
"Immensely. Help me bandage this wound. We've got to get him to Medical now, Perce." She pulls off her jacket and presses it in to the wound.  
  
"Oh damn," Percival says, kneeling down and pulling the jacket away to look at the wound. He shakes his head and looks to Lancelot.  
  
"Doll," he says and then flinches when Roxy slaps him hard in the face.  
  
"He does not die, do you hear me? Pick up your bloody gun and help me lift him or I swear to God I will shoot you," she says, eyes hard through the glasses and he nods.  
  
Together they lift Eggsy, each of them under each arm. Roxy doesn't count the guards that they have to take out to get back to the roof and then up to the helipad where her pilot is waiting and almost out of ammo himself. She just loads Eggsy into a seat and yells for take off.  
  
For the entire ride to the airfield, she keeps her hand to his side and two fingers to his neck. Even though the trip only takes six minutes it feels like the longest trip of her life.  
  
-Past. 6 months prior-  
  
"When do you think you'll be coming back?" Eggsy's Mum asks over the phone.  
  
"Dunno, Mum. Could be another month, couldn't it? They've got me going to these conferences and shows and stuffs," Eggsy says, handing his bag off to the Kingsman pilot.  
  
"Well, they know you've got family here. Why are they sending you on all these trips?" she asks, and Eggsy rubs his face.  
  
"It's a good thing, ain't it? They think I'm good at my job," he says, climbing into the back of the jet. He tosses his jacket on a seat and collapses onto another.  
  
"I just wish you could be good at your job here," she replies, sounding all sad-like. He hates that tone of voice.  
  
"Look Mum, I'll do my best to be home soon. I can't tell you when that is though," he says.  
  
"Your birthday is next month, you don't think you'll be home for that?" she asks.  
  
Eggsy blinks and frowns at he could have forgotten that his birthday was so soon. Of course his brain chimes in how Harry will never have another birthday.  
  
"Uh, I'm sorry Mum. I don't think so," he says. "Look I got to go, okay? Give Daisy my love. Love you!"  
  
"Love you-" he hangs up before the words get all the way through. He honestly doesn't want to hear anymore.  
  
"Sir, we'll be ready to take off in a few minutes. Any word on our destination?" the pilot asks.  
  
"I'll call Merlin. He should have an idea. Give me just a minute," Eggsy says, sitting up in the seat. He takes up his phone again and presses the name of the new-and as he insists temporary-Arthur.  
  
"Roxy is currently fielding a call from your, an I'm simply judging by tone here, your very irate Mother. Would you care to guess what you both are interrupting?" Merlin states dryly.  
  
Eggsy winces and looks at his watch.  
  
"Sorry, bruv. I forgot about the timezones, yeah," he says and rubs his face again. After this he wants some sleep damnit, he can't remember the last time he got some proper shuteye.  
  
"I suppose you're calling to check in?" Merlin asks, and Eggsy can hear Roxy's voice in the background trying to calm his Mother. There is a rustle of sheets as Merlin moves.  
  
"I uploaded the files we needed, they should be to you now," Eggsy says, as the pilot came through and closed up things.  
  
"That's good, Eggsy. These will help take down the drug-traffickers in two countries," Merlin says.  
  
"Yeah, thanks. Look, I was really calling cause my pilot needs to know where he should be flying too. I rather need a destination," Eggsy says.  
  
There is a pause before Merlin clears his throat. "I had assumed it would be home, Galahad. There isn't anything pressing at the moment."  
  
"But you've got something, yeah?" Eggsy says with a grin.  
  
"Eggsy, it's been a month since you've touched down here. Why not come back for a break?" Merlin asks.  
  
"One more, come on, Merlin. I'm all ready out, there's got to be something for me to do. I ain't even run down, bruv. Just one more." He doesn't know why he's pushing it, cept he has already told his Mum that he would be gone and to change plans last minute would just raise more questions.  
  
"Fine, there is a group in southern Bolivia that should be looked into. I'll send the files while you're in the air," he says, and Eggsy can practically hear him shaking his head. "Roxy will probably kill me for this."  
  
"You're the best, Merlin," Eggsy says, then jumps up to relay the message to his pilot. He hops back in his seat when the engines start up.  
  
"This is the last one before a serious break, Eggsy. You've been out in the field too long as it is," Merlin says, but Eggsy just buckles up.  
  
"Send me the files soon, I want to get some sleep before we land," he insists. Merlin makes noises of agreement before they are both cut off by Roxy's voice in the background. Eggsy hangs up before he gets pulled into another guilt trip.  
  
Later as the airplane is gliding along at cruising altitude, Eggsy paces the cabin, wondering why he can't sleep. Every time he nearly succumbs to sleep, he sees Valentine's face and the sound of gunshot. When Merlin's email dings on his laptop, Eggsy gives up entirely. He's dealt with worse than the loss of a night's sleep. Pulling up the files, he focuses in on the bad-guys and pushes away the fact that he hasn't slept in three days. Sleep can happen later.

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted on FF.net
> 
>  
> 
> Kudos/Comments/Suggestions go below!! Don't forget to tip your writer! ^_^


End file.
